Hysterical NHL Henrik Lundqvist Fanficiton Story

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Ok this is hysterical and I have to share it. I swear some of the stuff you find on the Internet searching for Henrik Lundqvist photos, any photos you haven't seen before, any news you haven't read on King Henry, anything! I have to categorize this as crackfic because it is just crazy.

The Hairdresser and the Rise of the Red Army: Part One

nefarious1729 July 27th, 2008
Summary: Uh, the Swedes want to destroy a non-Swedish Swede and the Russians want to take over the NHL

underneath Whole Foods in Pittsburgh, PA

Jordan Staal ran through the dark, cavernous hallways. His panting breaths reverberated off the stone walls as he ran. Then he skidded to a halt in front of a large door. Pushing it open, he stepped in.

Gary Roberts sat in a throne made of the bones of his enemies, a Fiji water fountain whirring beside him. His steely blue eyes glared at Jordan, “What is it, peasant?”

Purposely looking away, Jordan’s eyes focused on a painting of a white dude with a red beard getting judo-chopped by Gary Roberts. “It’s the bat-phone Gary Roberts.”

Picking up the phone, Gary Roberts just grunted. Then his eyes widened and his head bowed. After he hung up the phone, he glared at Jordan. “Jarome Iginla has failed us.”


hotel room in Toronto, Canada

The door swung open and banged against the wall. Evgeni Malkin waltzed in, “Our plan worked. The NHL is ours!” Alex Ovechkin was coming in fast on his heels. They collapsed onto the floor in giggles, tiny pieces of paper pouring out of their pockets onto the beige carpet.

And Alex grasped at Evgeni, rolling them on the carpeted floor in a fit of joy. “That Greek bastard has no clue, haha!”

Alex ran his hand over the pieces of paper, laughing as he handed one to Evgeni. “No one will know that Jarome Iginla had truly won those awards.”

In a moment of passion, Evgeni looked at Alex’s crotch, “I think you’re hiding something, my comrade.”

Blushing, Alex pulled out the Hart trophy from his opened zipper. “I couldn’t help it.”

Then they kissed until Alex saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror. And he started kissing that instead of Evgeni.


Henrik Zetterberg’s backyard somewhere in Sweden

Nick Lidstrom paced back and forth in front of a giant yellow Post-It stuck to the wood fence. He had a hockey stick in his hand, brandishing it like a teacher’s pointer.

“The first part of our plan went according to…” and he looked puzzled for a moment, “plan.”

He was talking to an assembled group of other hockey players, all of them Swedes. You could tell because they were dressed in light blue and yellow and they were eating tiny meatballs with gravy and lingonberry sauce.

Pavel Datsyuk walked through the sliding glass door, wearing khaki shorts, black shutter shades and flip-flops. “Where’s the pool party?”

Every Swede turned his head in unison toward Pavel’s voice. Lidstrom grinned at him, “Oh, don’t worry, there is gonna be some kinda party. Just have a seat, Pavel.”

Pavel looked around at the men near him as he took a seat next to Henrik Zetterberg. The Swedes were connected to one giant power outlet, the plugs from their backs stuck into the strip. Every once in a while one of the Swedish robots would twitch.

“Oookay, Pavel is here,” and Lidstrom turned around, crossing off something under #3 on the giant Post-It, “now we can continue with the program.”

“Ooh, ooh.” Louis Eriksson waggled his fingers in the air, hoping to gain Lidstrom’s attention. “Ooh, call on me.”

Looking pointedly away, Lidstrom continued with his speech. “We have gained the most important piece of the plan, the Russian Red Army’s support. We can now move into ‘Death Con Phase Five’.”

“But, what if those Canadians [said with such disdain] decide to finally do something about our little plan?” Henrik Lundqvist interjected. “What if they find ‘The Hairdresser’?”

Laughing haughtily, Lidstrom pointed at #1 on the list. “We took care of that before last season even started, Henrik-2.”

All the Swedes started a slow, evil laugh knowing that they had the Canadians by the throat.

Pavel looked confusedly around him, “What is–why is everyone laughing?”


underneath Whole Foods in Pittsburgh, PA…….three hours later

Gary Roberts stood in front of the assembled men. His hands were on his hips as he paced in front of a giant Post-It note stuck to the stone wall of his Gary Roberts-Cave.

“It is time to take drastic measures. We need to send out the Sudden Strike Ninja Assassins.” Someone towards the end of the table giggled and Gary Roberts sent a death-ray glare that way. The giggle turned into a death shriek as Don Waddell was engulfed in flames.

A tentative hand rose in the air, “Uh excuse me Mr. Roberts?”

Gary Roberts turned his head slowly towards the voice, “It’s Gary Roberts.”

Lou Lamoriello cowered in the high-back leather chair. “I’m sorry Mr. Rob – I mean, Gary Roberts.”

Gary Roberts nodded his head, “Go on with what you have to say, slave.”

“The Sudden Strike Ninja Assassins have already been deployed, sir, Mr. Gary Roberts, sir.”

“WHAT?!” Gary Roberts stalked from his Post-It note and grabbed Lou by his collar. “ON WHOSE AUTHORITY?”

In a moment of weakness and fear, Lou pointed across the table at his fellow GM Bryan Murray. “Him! It was his decision.”

Dropping Lou to the floor, Gary Roberts jumped across the wood table and landed on Bryan Murray’s face. “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

Sputtering his false teeth out, “I – didn’sht think tshat – itsh – they whould fail.”

And Gary Roberts kicked him once in the ribs for good measure, standing upright so that the rest of the horrified GMs could see his menacing glare. “Why did these so-called assassins fail?” Then he pointed at Darryl Sutter, “You had two top assassins might I remind you. What happened?”

Sutter shrugged and turned his terrified gaze towards the door, “Uh, DionShea, well…”


somewhere in Nashville

Shea Weber was hunched over his laptop, the curtains drawn to shut out the sunlight. Blubbering sobs echoed throughout the house when he lifted his head.

On the laptop screen was that Perez Hilton site, pictures of Elisha Cuthbert and Dion Phaneuf canoodling on the sandy beaches of Hawaii. And that creepy stalker video of them frolicking in the ocean was paused.

Standing up, Shea staggered into the kitchen. He took out a package of Oreo cookies and poured a glass of milk. Tears fell into the milk as he carried it back into his darkened room.

The video started again as Shea’s phone rang. He didn’t even pull his eyes away from the screen to look at the caller ID. Dunking an Oreo into the milk, Shea popped it into his mouth. “How could he do this to me?”

And the wailing and crying started up again as pieces of Oreo cookie sputtered from Shea’s mouth.


underneath Whole Foods in Pittsburgh, PA…….five minutes later

Gary Roberts crossed his arms, “Elisha Cuthbert, hmm.” Then he looked at a tiny notebook on the table near his giant Post-It. “Yes, she’s one of the Red Army’s paid agents. I should have known.”

Throwing the notebook at Jordan Staal sitting on a wood stool in the corner, he turned back towards the table. “Looks like Shea Weber will have to be traded to Florida.”

“No!” David Poile stood up, then realized that he just said no to Gary Roberts and sat right back down.

“It’s the rules. When one agent is lost or brainwashed, the other has to be traded to Florida.” Gary Roberts started a lap around the table, stopping behind Ray Shero’s chair. “You! What happened to the Super Twins? They were supposed to be indestructible.”

Shero shrugged then looked angrily at Ken Holland seated to the left of him. “Marian Hossa left for, um, undetermined reasons.” And he poked Holland in the ribs with a pencil.


somewhere in Mario Lemieux’s House

Sidney Crosby hummed to himself as he ripped a piece of tape from the dispenser. Then he turned towards the wall above his large white round bed. The wall was covered in pictures from the newspaper of a blonde-haired man.

Marian Hossa in the Penguins uniform. Marian Hossa outside his house in Atlanta. Marian Hossa inside his car. Marian Hossa buying clothes from Ross’s. Marian Hossa smacking himself in the head with the side of his hand. Marian Hossa dancing nude with an inflatable penis in Mark Recchi’s garage house.

Every inch of the wall above Sid’s bed was covered in stalker photos of Marian Hossa.

Stepping down from the bed, Sid smiled. Then he picked up his pink glitter-encrusted and bejeweled Barbie phone, dialing numbers by heart.

This is Marian Hossa and I dress for less. If you are Sidney Crosby, hang up now. *Beeeeeep*

“Heeey Marian, its Sid. How are you? Just wanted to call and see if you ever wanted to go to a Leafs game, if you know what I mean. You know my number, call me.”


underneath Whole Foods in Pittsburgh, PA…….five minutes later

Shaking his head, Gary Roberts said, “How sad. He just hasn’t been the same since the injury.” Then he clapped to get the GMs attentions focused on him. “Oh, one last thing, WHAT THE PISS HAPPENED AT THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS?!”

Every GM in the room cowered in fear at the anger in Gary Roberts’s voice. And none of them wanted to venture with an explanation. Each and every one of them averted their eyes, pretending to not be a part of that catastrophe.

Then Gary Roberts stalked over to the heavy stone door, “Max!”

Max Talbot stumbled into the room, clothes and hair a mess. But he stood in the doorway, straight as a board when Gary Roberts growled at him. “Get me that peasant out there perusing the salad bar.” Max started out the door when Gary Roberts said, “Oh wait, not Darryl, he’s here for our, uh, you know. Get the other one.” And Max grinned knowingly before he ran out again.

Ten seconds later, Ryan Getzlaf was pushed into the board room unceremoniously. Gary Roberts cleared his throat, “Hello Mr. Getzlaf.”

Ryan’s eyes were huge as he saw the awesomeness of Gary Roberts in person. He whispered to no one in particular, “Wow, what a man.”

“Would you mind telling us what happened in Halifax?” Gary Roberts sat at the head of the table, prepared for a long tale.

Ryan shrugged, “Well, it all started with a poorly timed bald joke.”

Gary Roberts was not amused, “What started?”

“The threesome I had with Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza.” Then Ryan paused, looking introspective for a moment, “They have wonderful skin but very weak joints.”


Finally, Ryan yawned, totally unfazed. “Oh and Mike Green was working for the Red Army.”

“Well, that explains it, you fucking idgit.” Gary Roberts stood up and shooed the young man out of the room. “Now gentlemen, we must begin Plan B-2.”


Sergei Gonchar’s guest house….somewhere in Pittsburgh

A knock on the door interrupted the deliciously wonderful things that Evgeni and Alex were doing to each other. Alex sighed and shouted at the door, “Who is it?”

“Um, it’s Paul. Should I come back later?”

Alex looked at Evgeni confusedly with his whipped cream covered face. “Paul? Who is that?”

Shrugging Evgeni knocked a cherry off of his shoulder. Then he smacked a hand on his forehead, spreading chocolate sauce with the palm of his hand. “Paul Ranger.”

Then Alex jumped up from the bed, “Oh, yeah, we have to pay him today.” He walked to the door and opened it wide for Paul Ranger to step inside. His face turned white when he saw that both Evgeni and Alex were naked.

Sliding out of the bed, Evgeni stood up. “We just wanted – “

Paul put his hands up, “Please Evjenni Milkin, don’t come any closer.”

“It’s Evgeni, you fucking Canadian ass-rocket.” Then Evgeni sighed, rolling his eyes.

Turning to look at Alex, Paul was puzzled. “What did he just say?”

Alex waved a hand at Paul, “You wouldn’t care.” Then he handed Paul a crumpled up twenty dollar bill.

Looking disgustedly at the single sticky bill in his hand, Paul couldn’t believe it. “That’s it?” Alex just shrugged and rubbed a hand absently over his Cheez-Wiz covered abdomen. “After all that I did, only twenty bucks?”

Evgeni glared at Paul, “You ungrateful bastard, all you had to do was tap that overachieving teenager and he went flying into the boards.”

Paul looked at Evgeni again, “I don’t understand a word you’re saying Evjenni.”

“Aaaaahhhhh! I’m going to kill him, Alex.”

Alex smirked and wrapped an arm around Paul’s shoulders, turning him towards the door. “Your job was simple. Read the contract, it clearly states that you only get twenty bucks for the job.”

And he pushed Paul out of the door, slamming it in his face with a loud bang. Alex turned around and grinned at Evgeni, “Now where did I put that ketchup?”


Henrik Zetterberg’s backyard somewhere in Sweden……..two hours later

“We can accomplish our goal in five easy steps.” Lidstrom smacked the giant Post-It with his hockey stick. “Let’s go over them once again.”

All the Swedes in attendance nodded their heads and read their parts.

“Step One: Injure the Next One.” Henrik Zetterberg recited proudly, one eye trained on Henrik-2.

Lidstrom smiled at him, “Very good Henrik-1.” Then he pointed at the next representative.

“Step Two: Trade for all Swedes…mini-steps involved.” Alex Edler stuttered, eyes squinting at the board.

Lidstrom nodded his head approvingly.

“Step Three: Help the Red Army acquire all Russians.” Tomas Holmstrom stated matter-of-factly while he stuck his ass in Henrik-2’s crease.

“Step Four: Crash the NHL Awards Night.” Niklas Kronwall read quickly, fingers typing out a text in a combination of English, Swedish and Finnish on his blue and yellow cell phone.

“Step Five: Get Nicklas Backstrom from the Red Army.” Markus Naslund repeated as he also kept an eye trained on Henrik-2.

Lidstrom stood in front of his favorite Swedes, “And that is how we can destroy Nicklas Backstrom or as I refer to him, the ImitationSwede.”

“Ooh, ooh.” Loui’s hand was raised high in the air, hoping to catch Lidstrom’s attention now. But Lidstrom ignored him even harder, purposely looking in the air above his head.

“What about the Red Army? How do we know we can trust them?” Mikael Samuelsson rubbed a hand thoughtfully over his pregnant belly as Daniel Alfredsson looked lovingly at him.

Lidstrom pointed at Johan Franzen, “Earmuffs on Pavel, please.” Johan did as he was told and held his hands over a startled Pavel’s ears. Then Lidstrom continued, “We have Pavel whom the Russians want more than anything. And once they get him, they will take over the NHL as per our agreement.”

“Ooh, ooh.” Louis was a persistent little bugger as he started to jump up and down to get Lidstrom to call on him.

Still ignoring the waving hand in his face, Lidstrom looked at the fence. “Any other questions?”

Mattias Ohlund cleared his throat, “What are we gaining with this deal?”

Lidstrom laughed, “We are getting that fraud of a Swede, Backstrom, so that we can destroy him. Our great Swedish IKEAn name shall not be tarnished by that ImitationSwede.”

“Ooh, ooh, Mr. Lidstrom call on me.” Loui was dancing in front of Lidstrom at that point

Exasperatedly, Lidstrom pointed his hockey stick at the young forward. “WHAT?!”

“May I use the restroom, Mr. Lidstrom?”

“GO BEFORE I EAT YOUR SPLEEN!” And as Loui went running, he yelled after him, “Take Joel with you, you Swedes have to stick together in Finnish Texas!”


underneath Whole Foods in Pittsburgh, PA…….the next day

Gary Roberts pointed at the giant yellow Post-It behind him. “This is Plan B-2.” A complicated flow chart was graphed on the Post-It, complete with names and pictures.

“But that’s for really bad emergencies only. We shouldn’t be using that.” Obviously Glen Sather did not understand what had happened to Bryan Murray.

Glaring at the Sather, Gary Roberts said, “I do not have to explain to you why we must use Plan B-2, but I believe that you know why.” And he looked pointedly at Brian Burke.

Kevin Lowe stuck his tongue out at the other GM. “Haha, you got in trouble.”

Burke crossed his arms and huffed. “I am rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks on you.”

Gary Roberts slammed his fist onto the table, “ENOUGH!” Then he took in a breath, “Okay, we need to list all of the rookies to begin this army.” He looked at Jordan sitting in the corner, “Get these men paper and pencils, they’ve got a lot of work to do.” Then Gary Roberts turned his back on the table and muttered to himself, “I must awaken The Hairdresser. Fuck.”

Glaring momentarily at Gary Roberts’s back, Lowe mumbled indistinctly, “Guess I can’t go to my timeshare in Boca now.”


Evgeni Malkin’s restaurant in Russia

“Order, order please.” Alex stood up at the head of the dinner table, tapping a spoon against his wine glass. When everyone had finally quieted down, “Your most merciful and talented leader wants to speak.” Then he sat down.

Evgeni stood up and looked at all the Russians assembled at his restaurant. “Evening gentlemen. I just want to congratulate each and every one of you for a job well done at the World Championships.” There was cheering and laughing until Evgeni had enough and held up his hand. “There is one last part of the plan to put in place.”

All attendees gasped as they all turned to stare at the rookie, Nicklas Backstrom. Only Alex Radulov stared long and hard at the blonde. Nicklas gulped down the wine he had sipped and then smiled slightly because he had no idea what they were saying.

Walking around the table to place a hand on the kid’s shoulder, Evgeni touched Anton Volchenkov on the nose. “I am sorry Nicklas, but you must be sacrificed so that we can reach our ultimate goal. I want a Stanley Cup and so does everyone here, whether we have had one, like Federov, or we have not won one, like me.”

Nicklas bowed his head, “I understand. It’s for the good of the Red Army.”

Laughing Evgeni shook the rookie’s shoulder. “No, it actually is not. We’re just selfish and the Swedes wanted you even though you are not a real Swedish robot like they are.”

And Nicklas blushed at his secret being told to everyone at the dinner table. He was not made in IKEA like the others, that was why his hair was only average, not spectacularly coiffed like other Swedes.

Continuing his speech, Evgeni circled the prison table. “With Pavel Datsyuk added to our ranks, the Russian Red Army will be indestructible.” He tapped Fedor Tyutin on the shoulder then got a glare from Alex.

“Once Pavel is with us, the NHL is ours. Muahahahahahah.” The Russians followed Evgeni’s lead and let out a terrible and in unison laugh.

Nicklas sighed to himself, “Mamma mia.”


Henrik Lundqvist Has Landed

Saturday, February 27, 2010

He's currently having dinner with Sean Avery and Voros. Voros calls them "The Tripod". I think Triumvirate or Troika would be a more manly nickname.

Henrik is in Mr Chow right now, and we're sending someone out to see if they can get a pic with him and maybe an autograph. I asked them to give Henrik a hug too. Not sure if that will happen.

Edited to add new photo taken by Sean Avery. Henrik is such a good sport letting his mug be taken and posted all over the Intertubes.


Henrik Lundqvist Photos TOPLESS

LOL Ok, it's just a catchy heading for some hot photos I've found of our guy Henrik. While we're jonesing till the New York Rangers hockey games get back on TV, I figured it would be great time to share some photos of Hot Hot Henrik.

Diving vacation somewhere warm without snow. Yes, it's cold out here. Anyway, nice shot but he's squinting something fierce.

I just love this photo. Henrik is taking a break in a park, laying in the sun with his puppy. The puppy is curled up by his side and it is just the most adorable photo ever. Plus we've got some tanned tummy showing with a cheeky hint of some undies under the pants.

Another topless photo of Henrik Lundqvist in a locker room. So I've got to ask, do they just wander around naked in the locker room all the time? I mean, damn. I need to get a job as a locker room reporter or something.

2q247lk (1)
This photo of Henrik Lundqvist is pretty much the holy grail. Henrik, in a towel. That's it. Just a towel. It's in black and white but I think that allows you to see the muscle definition better. Or whatever. I just love this photo.

Henrik, on a boat! Anyone else now have that song running through their head? He was fishing somewhere when this was taken. Thing around the waist is a belt they put the fishing pole in when trying to land a large, strong fish.

Henrik posing with his diver's log in this photo.

I have to thank the Frolunda marketing person that thought of this awesome idea. It's Henrik and Joel, twins, darn near naked in a promotional ad for the Frolunda hockey team in Goteborg, Sweden. Damn.

Here's a smaller photo of the same pic above, but not as dark so you can see the *cough* muscle definition of Henrik's back better. Again, DAMN.

Is that a compass rose tattoo? I like it. I wonder if he has any more tattoos?


Henrik Lundqvist Leaving Vancouver

Friday, February 26, 2010

Expression caught up with Henrik as he checking in at the Vancouver airport. Swedish interview here. Screencaps below.

Stressed about checking in? I hate to fly too.

He looks tired. Poor Henrik.

He's got two carts of luggage. One full of big bags of hockey gear, and the other the hockey sticks, suitcase and carry on. That's a lot of luggage! He shouldn't have to cart those around and deal with it himself. He needs a personal assistant. I'm sure someone would be willing to volunteer for the job. Being around Henrik, helping him errands, such a tough job! :)

You can see the big New York Rangers bags on one cart, the Swedish Olympic bag on the floor, suitcase standing up next to the second cars and Henrik holding the case with hockey sticks.

This guy is such a snappy dresser. He's flying who knows how many hours to New York from Vancouver, with probably a heck of a layover due to the snowstorm on the east coast, and yet he's wearing a suit. When I fly I like to be comfy. Perhaps suits are comfy for him? He is certainly built for wearing suits.

Anyone in O'Hare? Check and see if Hank is stuck on concourse C anywhere. Give the guy a hug.


Henrik Lundqvist On The Olympics Loss

From the interview with Henrik here.

Lundqvist on the fiasco: "It is bitter"
VANCOUVER. Henrik Lundqvist was zero up to the Olympic quarterfinals.
In Slovakia collapsed four goals in just 14 shots on.

It is bitter
, said Henrik Lundqvist after 4-3-loss in Vancouver.

New York Rangers star Henrik Lundqvist was great Tre Kronor hero when it became Swedish gold in Turin in 2006.

In the final seconds of the Olympic final he saved Olli Jokinen neutral and thus secured his Three Kronors second Olympic gold medal in history.

Lundqvist came to Vancouver as celebrated NHL superstar, and he was superb up to the Olympic quarterfinals.

Against both Germany and Finland, he zero. Slovakia managed to get a hole in Lundqvist in a power play in the second period. Ironically, it was Rangers His friend Marian Gaborik who shot the target.

They were good in their power play. It was enough. Power-play and counter-attack.

After 1-0 Three Crowns were working in steep uphill. Slovakia were 2-0 and got key 3-2, although the power play. Pavol Demitra was shot over Lundqvist's left shoulder.

This is how it is. When it comes to a match is the difference between winning and losing so incredibly small. They have the extra little luck.


Henrik Lundqvist Still Awesome In My Book

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I feel for Henke. It was a nightmare game against Slovakia. It should have been a win, an easy win I don't know but I think we all expected a win. I don't even know how he lost his stick for that one goal.

I know he was beating himself up something fierce when he left the game and benched himself. He has a habit of beating himself even during the game. Once he lets one goal in, he gets shook up. I think that first goal rattled him and he just couldn't recover.

He flew back home to New York today and I hope he doesn't relive the game the entire flight. I want him to take a break, just forget about it, and come back to the Rangers refreshed and out for blood. Shit happens.


Sweden Lost. Henrik Only Human.



Hank Lundqvist Against Slovakia Tonight

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Is everyone ready for some more great hockey? It's USA vs some country that they'll probably beat, Canada vs Russia and Sweden vs Slovakia. I'm excited for the Canada vs Russia and Sweden vs Slovakia games.

It will be interesting to see if Lundqvist can keep Glaborik from scoring, a fellow Rangers teammate. I just hope we get to see more of Hank than the other games. I want more face time! This is why I'm watching the Sweden games, so deliver! I understand hockey, like the game, not just a puck bunny but let me tell you the game is so much more exciting with the face shots of Hank. I also think we need locker room interviews. Of Hank. While he's stripping off the hockey gear.

Anyway, Hank is on tonight!


Henrik Lundqvist Photos

I think it's a great idea to post photos of Hank while there's no news on him today. Hopefully the practice Team Sweden had went well and right now Hank is snoozing dreaming of stopping all pucks no problem at all.

It's funny how many nicknames Henrik has. There's King Henry, King Henrik, The King from the press. Hank and Lambo are from his teammates. I think Lambo refers to the Lamborghini Henrik owned that he wrecked hydroplaning while driving to practice. Then there's Henke and Lunkan from Sweden.

Here's the lambo that Henrik wrecked while driving to practice. It was raining and Hank was going too fast and hydroplaned. Didn't Henrik know that's what happens when it rains and you're driving too damn fast in a ridiculous sports car? Well, he does now.

Henrik guitar Warren 77 opening
Henrik playing guitar at the opening of Sean Avery's bar Warren 77. What can't Hank do?

Henrik Sean Avery candid
Photo by Sean Avery of Voros and Lundqvist. Since Hank is such a fashion maven I'm really surprised to see hideous black socks with a white robe while he's laying down on bed. Ditch the socks Hank! Ditch the robe too while you're at it.

henrik and joel
Henrik and his twin brother Joel. It's easy to tell them apart even though it looks like they're nearly identical.


Lundqvist Has Second Shutout Of The Olympics Against Finland

Monday, February 22, 2010

Henrik came back refreshed and ready to rock at the much anticipated Sweden vs Finland game Sunday night. It was another shutout for Henrik which makes it two shutouts in a row for Hank. The toughest save he had was the first one and after that it was a pretty easy game for him with not much action.

I did laugh out loud though when one of the announcers did a replay of a head butt save that Hank did along with sound effects when the puck got knocked away. I really didn't know until now that goalies headed pucks, but according to an interview after the game Henrik said he doesn't like anything to block his view and would rather knock the pucks aside with his head when he can.

So now it's today a rest day, Tuesday practice and then Wednesday another game. No idea who they will play at the moment but they have to win to stay in the medal running. I'm pretty sure that the rest of the Sweden team will continue to provide good support and help Henrik win the game. Unlike the Rangers.


Is Torts Destroying Henrik Lundqvist? Answer Is Yes

Sunday, February 21, 2010

You don't think Henrik is not at the top of his game this season? Then read this excellent post: Henrik Lundqvist’s Recent Mental Struggles. It's not Henke, it's Torts.

What has changed this year in Lundqvist’s game? In my opinion, he is still playing the same style, with similar equipment. So the only change left is his “mind.” I believe that Lundqvist’s recent play has also shown a lack of confidence and has resulted in a goalie struggling to believe in himself and his ability to stop the puck.

I read a Swedish interview in which they came to a Rangers practice to talk to Henke after practice. It was embarrassing and completely uncomfortable for them to witness Torts screaming at Henke and lobbing profanities at him. This guy that is arguably one of the very best goalies NHL has, and his coach is treating him like trash. Yeah, that's got to be an easy one to swallow.

As a mental performance coach, I feel Lundqvist’s current poor play appears as a cry out for help. He appears to be confused about what else he can do for the team after taking more than his share of the blame in the losses this season. Tortorella has blamed Lundqvist for not coming up with the big save in multiple games and it has been noted by many of New York’s media that Tortorella expects a shutout from Lundqvist every night.

A shutout every night? Maybe if the rest of the team was perfect you could demand it from the goalie too. Lundqvist had a shutout the first game of the 2010 Olympics with a team he barely practiced with. It took 20 games for him to achieve that with the Rangers this year. Hmmm.....

Henrik is displaying all the symptoms of a goaltender that is being negatively affected by his coach’s rants, including a loss of confidence and a deep fear of making a mistake. This results in him playing on his goal line and through streaky performances.

Great job Torts. Take something damn near unstoppable and destroy it. You're an ass.


Henrik Lundqvist Fanfiction Slash?! DON'T READ THIS HENRIK

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I was searching for anything on Henrik Lundqvist and accidentally ran across something, that I have no idea how to classify other than shocking, humorous that it exists and hope that Henrik never reads it.


Here's a link to the original story: Henrik Lundqvist man on man action. Ok it's not that bad. But it's surprising that it exists.

Every time their teams play each other, Henrik can feel the kid's eyes on him. It should be unnerving, but Henrik is pretty used to people staring at him, both boys and girls. He knows very well how handsome he is, and it's just something he's learned to deal with throughout his life and his career.

Still, Henrik knows he should put an end to this eventually. Let the kid down gently. It was for Victor's benefit in the long run, Henrik told himself.

So that's why Henrik seeks Victor out after their most recent game against the Lightning. Just to talk. Calmly explain the situation, that is all. He waits quietly outside the visitors' locker room. This is not the typical place for the opposing goaltender to be, but he's King Henrik so he's pretty much allowed to do whatever he wants without anyone questioning him.

Some of the other players do give him curious looks. Vinny gives him a downright glare, which Henrik has also learned to ignore. Finally the younger Swedish man appears (the last guy to leave, interesting). And almost immediately there he goes, giving Henrik that bug-eyed look of lust once again. Henrik sighs.

"Can we talk for minute?" Henrik asks.

Victor shakes his head eagerly. Better take care of this quickly, Henrik decides, or else it's going to be a long night. Very long.

Henrik leads him down the hallway, to a more secluded area. Victor follows closely, too closely, like a loyal puppy. Henrik is pretty sure Victor is just a moment away from crawling on his hands and knees.

Henrik stops walking and Victor practically crashes into him. "Look, Victor -"

"Jag älskar dig!"

Henrik laughs. He can't help it. "W-what? You can't be serious..."

"Jag älskar dig, Henrik. I had to tell you, I can't take it anymore! Then you wanted to talk to me and-"

"Victor, you don't understand. I knew you have a... thing for me. That's why I wanted to talk to you. There's no better way to say this... you need to get over it. I'm straight, and I'm with someone..."

"I know all that Henrik, but I love you. I would do anything for you, I would!"

Henrik put his hand to his brow, rubbing his forehead, and closed his eyes. This was going to be harder than he thought. "You'll find someone better, someone your own age. You're cute, I promise you won't have any trouble. But with me, there's just no chance..." Henrik really didn't know what else to say, so he just turned around and started to walk the other way. Well, that was awkward.

"Henrik, no! Please don't leave me."

Henrik shook his head as he continued walking. Don't look back, don't look back.

He doesn't look back, but he knows, can feel that Victor is somewhere left behind, falling on his knees and crying after him.

You know what? I just can't stop laughing. Boy the things you find when searching on any info on Henrik Lundqvist that you can find.


Henrik Lundqvist With Groin Injury

From a Swedish interview with Henrik, www.expressen.se, we find out that Henrik has been dealing with a groin injury the entire NHL season.

Henrik Lundqvist is disturbed by a groin injury and rested entirely from Belarus Match. - It has not felt one hundred since the beginning of the season, "said Lundqvist to HockeyExpressen.se.

Since early last fall have Henrik Lundqvist suffered a groin injury.
Yet New York Rangers star goalie played 54 NHL games. Only three NHL goalies have played more matches.

That shows you what a trooper Henrik is. Those groin injuries hurt especially when you're a goalie and have to do incredible stretch saves during the game. Poor Henrik! I hope he recovers some time soon long before the NHL playoffs. Or at least before the summer in Sweden. Guy needs to be 100% to keep the Rangers alive.

But I feel for him too, that can't be fun running around with your groin in pain during the game. And embarrassing. Just imagine the team doctor, physical therapists all focusing in on the groin. Yikes. Let's hope the groin massages he's been getting are at least from female physical therapists. And if the Rangers have none, I am willing to take one for the team and help Henrik's groin get back into shape. You can count on me.


King Henrik sitting out Belarus game

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hank is sitting out the Sweden Belarus game tonight so he can rest up. It's a terrific plan because he needs the rest from his being overworked with the Rangers, plus he needs to be hot for the medal rounds.

I know this is a very good idea, but my eyes aren't happy with it. This means a distinct lack of screen time for Henrik! What's a Lundqvist fan to do? I hope they turn the cameras on him at least some of the game to keep me happy. Since he'll be sitting in the press box during the game, there's a good chance Henrik will be on camera. I hope so. I've got my DVR already set up to record this game while I'm at work.

Here's some Henrik eye candy to tide you over.


Henrik Lundqvist post Sweden/Germany Olympic game interview

You have to watch this post game interview with Henrik. I thought it was just the normal "oh my god hurry up I'm sweating to death and tired go away" post game interview but no, this is cute and hot and I'm screencapping it to share it with you.

I know, a cute and hot hockey interview? Cute and hot in the same interview? Watch and you shall see.

The first thing you need to notice is that he keeps getting distracted by something over to the upper left. Someone in the stands? Swedish bikini team? His girlfriend waving at him? These are questions that inquiring minds want answered!

Notice how he's distracted by something to the left and is trying not to laugh.

Damn. I wish that was me he was looking at.

Yes Henrik, you are the man. I love his crooked smile. Not just an amazing nearly unstoppable (with a good team) goalie, but so damn adorable and handsome too.
This one is here just for the eyelashes. Look at his eyelashes! Long! Gorgeous! I'm jealous.
Now this one, just so cute! You just can't help yourself wanting to give him a nougie or rub noses with him. Absolutely adorable. I'm so glad he's enjoying himself here. He looks like a little naughty boy having fun.
"I'll be home soon honey, you better be ready and waiting!" UNF
This is just adorable! I just want to reach out and pinch his cheeks like his grandma used to do.
He's caught surprised here. But look at his eyes, does he have a wonky left eye? Or is it just the camera angle?
Again the severe lip biting. So cute!
And here he is completely distracted now. I am dying to know what was going on to his left. He is biting his lips trying so hard not to lose it during an interview.
Doesn't he look like a little kid trying not to laugh at something another kid is doing? So cute! See, there's the cute I told you about.

What a perfect shot. Poor guy though, he's covered in sweat. He said it was really warm in there and felt like he had dealt with 40 shots not 21.

All I can say to this is HOT DAMN.

Don't laugh!


Henrik Lundqvist Photos For the Fans

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I have hopped on the Henrik Lundqvist bandwagon a bit late, but I'm on it and never plan to get off of it! Have you seen the videos of his amazing hockey saves? It's like he's a cross between a swiss army knife and the Energizer bunny.

I don't know what kind of exercises Henrik Lundqvist does to stay in shape, but he should make a DVD and sell it. He'd make millions from all the women buying it! Just think of it, Henrik in a t-shirt and shorts demonstrating stretches, splits, core exercises, yeah. I'd buy it.

I know I'm not the only one looking for Henrik Lundqvist photos of him in less than a tightly buttoned suit and tie. The guy needs to let lose every once in a while. When he first came over from Sweden he wasn't as tightly buttoned up but now you can't catch a photo of him looking less than reserved.

If anyone has any good Henrik Lundqvist photos to share showing him less than uptight, can you please share?

I call this Henrik Lundqvist photo the Dancing Bear.


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